Today, I am grateful that 14 months ago Neil Jackson asked me to marry him! We've been married 2.5 months already and it has been the most incredible journey so far. I have loved the freedom that marriage has brought to the both of us. I know some people would look at marriage through the "eyes" of all the ball-and-chain jokes out there. But marriage, with the right person, is possibly the closest thing to heaven on earth. Of course there are challenges and there will always be challenges through every season of the marriage relationship, but if both parties are willing to set aside their own agendas for the sake of loving and making the other person happy, then it can work - and not only work - but bring the greatest joy ever known to man - loving someone and being loved in return.
Ps Sid, who did our marriage prep sessions gave us this description of true love: "Doing something for someone, that costs you something, that puts them in a better place than before, expecting nothing in return." So I guess one of the major aspects of marriage is learning to be selfless. That's a hard thing to swallow for anyone. Most of us live for ourselves for about 25 years until we get married/have kids and then we're supposed to somehow flip the switch!? I don't think that's possible... my husband always says to me - "It's a process and we're both still learning. You're better than you were when we first got together and so am I." So I think the key is - realizing that it is possible to change because of how much we've already changed. And as long as we're willing to "bend" and then to also be gentle with one another, our spouses can be the biggest "change agents" in our lives. And God ultimately effects and sustains that change.
Ps Sid, who did our marriage prep sessions gave us this description of true love: "Doing something for someone, that costs you something, that puts them in a better place than before, expecting nothing in return." So I guess one of the major aspects of marriage is learning to be selfless. That's a hard thing to swallow for anyone. Most of us live for ourselves for about 25 years until we get married/have kids and then we're supposed to somehow flip the switch!? I don't think that's possible... my husband always says to me - "It's a process and we're both still learning. You're better than you were when we first got together and so am I." So I think the key is - realizing that it is possible to change because of how much we've already changed. And as long as we're willing to "bend" and then to also be gentle with one another, our spouses can be the biggest "change agents" in our lives. And God ultimately effects and sustains that change.
Neil is amazing - probably the most freakishly selfless person I know. And I'm probably one of the most selfish people I know! So guess who's teaching who!? And who's the patient one!? And guess who's the grateful one!? Me! (Okay Neil too - but he's taught me that as well.)
One of my recent lessons in being selfless: Neil usually brings me apple juice in the mornings to wake me up, but now he can't carry stuff cos he's hobbling around the flat on crutches! So I said to him I would do his protein shake, coffee and my apple juice in the mornings. That means I have to wake up a bit earlier than usual. It's hard - cos I'm a useless morning person. But I'm doing it, because I love my man and I don't want him to damage his leg further by walking around without crutches trying to carry stuff! So that's a little lesson for me... and I've got a looong way to go still!
I think this whole selfless thing is tied up with gratitude... when I am selfish then I tend to have this sense of entitlement to everything and then when things don't go my way, I wallow in the disappointment or frustration of it all and I become ungrateful. And when I've become ungrateful, I find more reasons to be ungrateful and my focus is on my self - I remain selfish - vicious circle. So how do I break the cycle? Maybe I have to just stop and shift my focus a little...
"Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn't worship him as God or even give him thanks...As a result, their minds became dark and confused."
Romans 1:21
My mind becomes a boggle when I've fallen into a self-centered rut. All I see is the dirt and the negative stuff. But if I just stop for a while, and start to think about God and thank Him for who he is & what He's done, somehow I feel lighter and I am able to shift my focus onto to others. But the challenge is to actually stop. Sometimes I've gained so much momentum in the whirlwind of negative and selfish thinking... so maybe I have to just slow down gradually...like a train coming into a station...soon I'm at a stand still - finally...I allow myself to see the world through those Calm, Perfect Eyes...
and then the gratitude rises...
My mind becomes a boggle when I've fallen into a self-centered rut. All I see is the dirt and the negative stuff. But if I just stop for a while, and start to think about God and thank Him for who he is & what He's done, somehow I feel lighter and I am able to shift my focus onto to others. But the challenge is to actually stop. Sometimes I've gained so much momentum in the whirlwind of negative and selfish thinking... so maybe I have to just slow down gradually...like a train coming into a station...soon I'm at a stand still - finally...I allow myself to see the world through those Calm, Perfect Eyes...
and then the gratitude rises...
